JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
