I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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