I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
