so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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