Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
