if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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