I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
