who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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