then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize