I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
