We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
