I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
