if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize