I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
