I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
