what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
