just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
