I will die if light touches me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
soo... how was my night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
