nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
