The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to align my fucking chakras
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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