oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think my fart just growled at me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
