Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think people are normalizing furries
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize