I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
