So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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