I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
