u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
