i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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