I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
