i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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