i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
