3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
