I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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