I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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