Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
