Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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