ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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