his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
