where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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