please come you make the beer taste better
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
