This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
