i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was confusing and full of hummus
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
