Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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