Rock
Scissors
Fuck
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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