he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
