I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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