Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
