Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
