absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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