Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize