Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
