I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
