okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
