You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
