after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
