He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize