I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
