drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize