You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
