By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
