forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize