White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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