so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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