OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
