Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
