Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
