just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
