marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
