my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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