She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
