Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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