oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
