But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
