do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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