Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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