It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
