I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
