I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
